Secrets

I found a fun new website today. It's called PostSecret. A guy decided to ask people to send him their secrets anonymously on a postcard. They range from the silly to the shocking, from touching to scary. It got me to thinking, I carry a lot of secrets inside of me. I hate that. I'm not about to blab them out on here, because frankly, I don't want anyone to know them. But to tell a person I don't know could be oddly freeing. Maybe I'll do that one day. Write a bunch of my secrets down and send them to a random person.

Life would be so much better and so much easier if we didn't have to live in fear of our secrets. I hate having mine, but at the same time, I wouldn't and couldn't risk anything to tell them. Some are mine, but some are others.

By the end of this week, I will have written all of my secrets down and either have sent them off to this man or just leave them someplace random!

Post-Holiday Blues and Thankfulness

I have realized that 1) being without family on the holidays really sucks and, not that nobody else doesn't know this, 2) I really can't wait to leave Utah. Oddly enough both realizations are connected. I hate being without my family on a major holiday. Thanksgiving and Christmas are meant to be spent with your family. I'm lucky that I did get to spend it with some family, but those that I really want to see and spend time with are so far away. I hate being spread all over the States! Because I'm really missing my family, it's really making me dislike being in Utah. Everyone knows my feelings towards the not so great state of Utah. I don't see anything great about this place. There is only one kind of person here: a conservative Mormon. While these kind of people are OK, in small bunches, an entire state of them is lacking in diversity. There are a few random liberal non-Mormons scattered around, but I'm lucky if I can find any! I despair of ever finding someone for me. I don't fit the standard around here. To be even considered for dating you have to be: 1) Mormon 2)Blond 3)Skinny and 4)Desirous to be absolutely, completely dependent upon your husband, not necessarily that order! Happily, I'll never be that, but finding someone who will appreciate me for me here is harder than finding that proverbial needle! I have some friends, but they are happily in relationships...so guess who's been forgotten?? (Answer here) You win a prize if you guessed correctly!

I hate all of this complaining. I'm just having a sad moment, because once again, I'm feeling sad and alone.

Even though it's the day after Thanksgiving, I'll list some of the things I'm thankful for:

1. My family-my parents and my sisters are the most amazing people and I wish that everyone had a family like mine.

2. My education-I know that I wouldn't be who I am today without it. It has opened my mind and broadened my thinking.

3. The myriad of little things in my life-all of the things that make me smile, make my life simpler and better. They go from good music to a warm shower to socks.

I should put more, but those are the two things that I'm most grateful for. It's easy for me to forget what I'm thankful for, so this holiday is a good reminder, not only for me but for everyone, to stop and think and thank.

I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that the upcoming Christmas season will be spectacular for you!

Love you all!!

I'm amazed at some people's thoughtlessness

Today, I was was combing the internet for something new and interesting to read. Most of the time it's usually on AOL, some random article about politics or even a celebrity scandal or two. There was an article that caught my eye, "'Mike & Molly' Star Speaks Out About 'Fatties' Furor". In it, it describes a blog from Marie Claire, a leading women's magazine, from a freelance blogger named Maura Kelly. It's called "Should 'Fatties' Get a Room? (Even on TV?)." I've never seen the show Mike & Molly, but it's about two people who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous group and begin dating. This blogger, because I can't call her a lady (it's too dignified for the likes of her), was disgusted that a show would show two people with "rolls and rolls" making out. She said that she would be disgusted to see a morbidly obese person walking across a room. This woman deeply offended me. I know that I'm not a healthy weight, I know that I should be, and one day I'll be ready for it. It amazes me that some people are still so rude, thoughtless, vain, and tactless today. Yes, we know that we shouldn't eat the unhealthy, processed foods. We know that we should eat vegetables and exercise more, but when people make such damaging remarks, it makes it that much harder to get out and do those things. You may think "how hard is it to really stop eating that food and eat some veggies or get a few minutes of exercise?" It's really hard when you have emotional damage that food helps to curb for a few more days. It's really hard when you think that you are finally ready to take that step, then hear that people are disgusted to even see you. People have to wonder why there are no overweight people in a gym. How hard do you think it is to go into a gym and no one there is over a size two? They're not there to lose weight, but to look at the other "healthy" people. It's a $50 a month hook-up joint. When you are the only one there that when you run on the treadmill and something jiggles, it isn't easy. The people there are admiring you for your attempt to get healthy, but they are thinking why is this person here ruining our view. If people were more tolerant of one another this world would be a stronger, healthier place. We need to stop judging people on what they look like. Especially here in Utah. For someone who isn't the "ideal" image, it really sucks here. We who look differently, or have extra pounds, are discriminated against and left out. We are looked over and ignored. It's as if we are non-entities just taking up space and air. We don't exist to you and that needs to change! We need to promote a healthier way of getting people to lose weight. Calling us fatties, ugly, disgusting, etc. is not the way to go. Involve us in your activities, talk to us, think of us as normal. We have so much to offer this world, but no one realizes that, because we disgust the "healthy" people.

PS...the titles of the articles are linked to the actual article

Do I really need a title?

So, recently I made the decision not to move back to Portland this Christmas. I had a lot of good things going for me. Now I'm not so sure. I swear that every Sunday is a nightmare. This weekend she was gone from Friday until just a few hours ago. It was a pretty good weekend. There was no major fighting or bickering and there were no tense moments. She has been home for just an hour or so. I went out to say hi, welcome home, but not immediately. I waited about half an hour. Let her have some time to say hello to her family and get settled back in. When I went out, she hardly looked at me and flat out ignored me. I don't have to put up with that crap at all. Now she and Bob are "talking", which of course equates to arguing in most books. SHE'S BEEN HOME AN HOUR!!!!! I hate Sundays. I don't understand why she is like this, especially on such a day that is supposed to be taken reverently and with respect. I really enjoyed this weekend. It was stress and tension free. Now I don't even want to leave my room to check on the clothes that I put in the washer. A house that is supposedly filled with love shouldn't be filled with this much tension. She shouldn't argue about every little thing or get offended or hurt over every little thing we say or do! I don't understand her and she makes it incredibly difficult for someone to truly like her!

Excitement!!

Oh my gosh I'm so excited! Friday is so not coming quick enough. I leave for a month in Germany on Friday. I go to London and get there on the 1st of May. My friend and I are going to stay the night there and leave around 2 PM on Sunday for Berlin. I stay there for nearly a month. I got an email from the Goethe-Institut today telling me who I'll be staying with, where the closest transportation stop is, and how long it will take me to get to the school. I'll be staying with a lady named Renate Giese. We were told that we probably won't be with another person from our group, but I found out that the friend that I'm doing most of my traveling with will be in the same house as me. I hope that we don't end up hating each other lol. I probably won't be doing too much updating on here but I'll try. I'll definitely be keeping updates on Facebook. I'm so incredibly excited and nervous and scared. I was talking with my German teacher today and told him that, but he told me that was normal. I can't wait!!!

Late night ramblings that are sure to make somebody mad :)

Ok...politics seriously piss me off. Do you know that we are the only industrialized country in the world that has a government that doesn't pay for our education, or our health care? Why not? How come we have to go into so much debt, so that we can get a "better" job? Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I love having the freedoms that so many other countries don't have, but it pisses me off that this country doesn't help it's people. I hate capitalism. There is nothing truly good about it. It gives people the right to own and operate a business, but how does it help the people who have no interest in that. I'll never own my own business. The field that I'm entering is notorious for having so many unemployed people with great degrees. I'm not going to give up what I love so that I can own a business that will most likely fail. I know this is rambling and probably doesn't make much sense, and some of it is probably a little wrong, but I'm just pissed off at all of this. I shouldn't have to have the debt that I have to get an education. Do you know that the countries in Europe pay for their citizens education? How is that wrong? I truthfully find nothing wrong with socialism. How is it wrong to care for the people and not businesses? Did you know that if communism is done right, with no peversions of the theory, it could be the most perfect form of government? Unfortunately, those who have implemented it twisted it to suit their needs and not the needs of the people and made it a scary thing. It is a no-no now. I'm not promoting it at all, but just know that when Karl Marx first wrote about it, he didn't mean for what the USSR to do to it. I'm sure I'll make some of you mad when you read this. I'm sorry for that, but I'm not going to change my mind. I want the government to care about me and you! Not worry about bailing out some company that has floundered and can't get itself out of the mess it made. I'm not asking for the government to pay for everything, no government should do that, but it should help us more than it does now. This form of government has made me so mad and frustrated that it makes me want to move. I want to be apart of something good. I don't think that will ever happen in our lifetime. We finally have a president who, at least on paper, cares for the people. He introduces something that is a step to universal health care and people have a huge fit. Who cares if affects the rich people? I'm not rich and I'll never be rich. I'm pretty sure they can afford the taxes. If they can afford everything else that they buy what's a few more dollars added on? Maybe this is just some late night, I'm super tired, rambling but I'm just pissed off enough to want to say something. I have my doubts that anybody really reads this so I guess it's ok for me to spew this lol. Please don't think that I hate my country, because I don't. I love the US. I just think that we need to put our priorities elsewhere now.

Family is the most amazing thing ever!

Wow...today everything finally fell into place. Today my parents paid the rest of what I owed for my study abroad trip! I was so excited about that. THEN, my grandparents decided that they would help me pay for my plane tickets. I'll pay them back of course, but that helps me so much. I'm so incredibly greatful for the family I have. They have helped me through so much. I hope that I'll be as generous when the time comes. I have my program and tickets paid for and it wasn't as hard to get it done as I thought it would be. Thank you everybody! You don't know how much this means to me! I love you all!